Strong mind, weak heart.

We all like to believe we are good people and will do things that would be the better for others... but do we...? Are we...?

“It was my caring mind that killed you but my compassionate heart that failed you.”
~m.d.a.

I was on my way home, rolling ever so slowly north on the 57. The weather is hot as the sun beams down turning the cars into virtual ovens. We like to believe that this is the fastest way home because it’s a highway. It what you do on the highway, you drive fast to get where you are going in a shorter amount of time.

But it was you that made me stop my car. You are a stranger to me but you remind me of my own cats. Bother are far older that you but the shock still hits me like a Mack truck. People are honking behind me because I am not moving. I am not doing anything, only watching you thrash about ... because help never came.

You’re still just a kitten with charcoal fur and green eyes, small delicate paws at the end of small legs. Where is your mother, why did she let you get so far from home? How did you get here?

I am too late to save you … there is only one thing to do. Its simple, I see it. Anyone would. Your small head is ruined behind repair, but you’re still fighting to get away. Your body just has not notion of where to go or how to get away. Your tiny legs are flailing around, flipping your body back and forth in a futile effort to carry you to safety.

It’s a futile effort to save you. Maybe you already know this, I do. The honking continues as I roll my car forward, knowing that I have to end it for you, knowing that our Mother Earths arms will welcome you home in a loving embrace.

But I don’t even bother to aim… I fail you … just as so many others did. They avoided you… like I did. Their heart did not want that on their conscience, nor did mine. I did not want to be the one to take your life, though I know it would have been far better if I did.

I hope there was someone better out there than I, someone with a stronger heart to bring an end to your suffering. I hope that when they did, it was quick… and I hope that you are purring silently in our Mother Earths warm embrace, listening to her heart beat into your ear.

I am sorry I did not have the strength of will and fortitude to show you the compassion that you desperately needed.