God... help me

I feel like I am loosing her...


And its my fault. I am second guessing everything I do... I am afraid to do the wrong thing for fear of making things worse. The more I try to make things better the more I realize I am pulling back into myself. I don't want to... And I don't want to loose her. I am just afraid...

I wish I could let it out. Scream... Cry... Rage... Something, anything. There are times when I just want to take her into my arms but part of me from someplace inside tells me that I am going to dissapoint her.

I think that if I had some type of victory... Something to tell me that I am doing exacly what I need to... Tell me that its ok to start taking risks again. I don't want to fall... To fail... Cause I know that if I do... Then I might drag her down with me ... And she does not deseve that. She deserves better than that.

I wish grandpa was here... I could use his advice