That is a worry I had before we got pregnant. I always wanted to be sure that we had the money or that we were mentally capable. I also wanted to be sure that having a child would not be a huge impact on our daily lives. I would obsess about it so much that I would start hoping that the red would come. When it did, I was disappointed and relieved.
But now that we are having a child, I am not so worried about whether or not we will have the money. Oh, I am concerned, but not necessarily worried. I have family that will help us out if needed. And I am sure they will help us out with strollers, cribs and what not.
I think now that what I am concerned with is if we are mentally capable. I am so afraid that I may end up like my father. He was an unfeeling bastard that I believe regretted having children. For that matter, I believe he regretted having any attachment to his family. I am not sure if I am that much better because I don’t spend as much time as I should with my family. But I know that they love me and I know that if they needed me, I would be there without question.
The other concern, I have to admit, is The White Raven going to be like her mother. . . ? That in itself is a nightmare. Although I do not believe she would be like her, I worry about it none the less.
Even with those worry . . . I worry that the red will still come. Because if it does, I will loose something more precious than just pointless worries, I will loose my child. If I have concerns about our mental stability, then loosing your child will rock whatever stability we have to the core.
I just hope that everything will go smoothly, that things will fall into place, and that we can relax and hold our newborn with love.
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